Helping a Family Member Who Has PTSD
When someone has PTSD, it can change
family life. The person with PTSD may act differently and
get angry easily. He or she may not want to do things you
used to enjoy together.
You
may feel scared and frustrated about the changes you see in
your loved one. You also may feel angry about what's happening
to your family, or wonder if things will ever go back to the
way they were. These feelings and worries are common in people
who have a family member with PTSD.
It
is important to learn about PTSD so you can understand why
it happened, how it is treated, and what you can do to help.
But you also need to take care of yourself. Changes in family
life are stressful, and taking care of yourself will make
it easier to cope.
How can I help?
You
may feel helpless, but there are many things you can do. Nobody
expects you to have all the answers.
Here
are ways you can help:
Learn
as much as you can about PTSD. Knowing how PTSD affects people
may help you understand what your family member is going through.
The more you know, the better you and your family can handle
PTSD.
Offer to go to doctor visits with your family member. You
can help keep track of medicine and therapy, and you can be
there for support.
Tell your loved one you want to listen and that you also understand
if he or she doesn't feel like talking.
Plan family activities together, like having dinner or going
to a movie.
Take a walk, go for a bike ride, or do some other physical
activity together. Exercise is important for health and helps
clear your mind.
Encourage contact with family and close friends. A support
system will help your family member get through difficult
changes and stressful times.
Your
family member may not want your help. If this happens, keep
in mind that withdrawal can be a symptom of PTSD. A person
who withdraws may not feel like talking, taking part in group
activities, or being around other people. Give your loved
one space, but tell him or her that you will always be ready
to help.
How can I deal with anger or violent behavior?
Your
family member may feel angry about many things. Anger is a
normal reaction to trauma, but it can hurt relationships and
make it hard to think clearly. Anger also can be frightening.
If
anger leads to violent behavior or abuse, it's dangerous.
Go to a safe place and call for help right away. Make sure
children are in a safe place as well.
It's
hard to talk to someone who is angry. One thing you can do
is set up a time-out system. This helps
you find a way to talk even while angry. Here's
one way to do this.
Agree that either of you can call a time-out at any time.
Agree that when someone calls a time-out, the discussion must
stop right then.
Decide on a signal you will use to call a time-out. The signal
can be a word that you say or a hand signal.
Agree to tell each other where you will be and what you will
be doing during the time-out. Tell each other what time you
will come back.
While
you are taking a time-out, don't focus on how angry you feel.
Instead, think calmly about how you will talk things over
and solve the problem.
After you come back
Take
turns talking about solutions to the problem. Listen without
interrupting.
Use statements starting with "I," such as "I
think" or "I feel." Using "you" statements
can sound accusing.
Be open to each other's ideas. Don't criticize each other.
Focus on things you both think will work. It's likely you
will both have good ideas.
Together, agree which solutions you will use.
How
can I communicate better?
You and your family may have trouble talking about
feelings, worries, and everyday problems.
Here are some ways to communicate better:
Be
clear and to the point.
Be positive. Blame and negative talk won't help the situation.
Be a good listener. Don't argue or interrupt. Repeat what
you hear to make sure you understand, and ask questions if
you need to know more.
Put your feelings into words. Your loved one may not know
you are sad or frustrated unless you are clear about your
feelings.
Help your family member put feelings into words. Ask, "Are
you feeling angry? Sad? Worried?"
Ask how you can help.
Don't give advice unless you are asked.
If
your family is having a lot of trouble talking things over,
consider trying family therapy. Family therapy is a type of
counseling that involves your whole family. A therapist helps
you and your family communicate, maintain good relationships,
and cope with tough emotions.
During
therapy, each person can talk about how a problem is affecting
the family. Family therapy can help family members understand
and cope with PTSD.
Your
health professional or a religious or social services organization
can help you find a family therapist who specializes in PTSD.
How can I take care of myself?
Helping
a person with PTSD can be hard on you. You may have your own
feelings of fear and anger about the trauma. You may feel
guilty because you wish your family member would just forget
his or her problems and get on with life. You may feel confused
or frustrated because your loved one has changed, and you
may worry that your family life will never get back to normal.
All
of this can drain you. It can affect your health and make
it hard for you to help your loved one. If you're not careful,
you may get sick yourself, become depressed, or burn out and
stop helping your loved one.
To
help yourself, you need to take care of yourself and have
other people help you.
Care for yourself
Don't feel guilty or feel that you have to know it all. Remind
yourself that nobody has all the answers. It's normal to feel
helpless at times.
Don't feel bad if things change slowly. You cannot change
anyone. People have to change themselves.
Take care of your physical and mental health. If you feel
yourself getting sick or often feel sad and hopeless, see
your doctor.
Don't give up your outside life. Make time for activities
and hobbies you enjoy. Continue to see your friends.
Take time to be by yourself. Find a quiet place to gather
your thoughts and "recharge."
Get regular exercise, even just a few minutes a day. Exercise
is a healthy way to deal with stress.
Eat healthy foods. When you are busy, it may seem easier to
eat fast food than to prepare healthy meals. But healthy foods
will give you more energy to carry you through the day.
Remember the good things. It's easy to get weighed down by
worry and stress. But don't forget to see and celebrate the
good things that happen to you and your family.
Get
help
During
difficult times, it is important to have people in your life
who you can depend on. These people are your support network.
They can help you with everyday jobs, like taking a child
to school, or by giving you love and understanding.
You
may get support from:
Family
members.
Friends, coworkers, and neighbors.
Members of your religious or spiritual group.
Support groups.
Doctors and other health professionals
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